I don't rant and/or complain very often, but this has been building and right now I feel like I'm going to explode.
I am so tired of people asking me "WHY?" , "Why would your dad do such a thing?", "Why did he do it that way?", "Why didn't he ask for help?", "Why did he feel that way?", "Why did he do this and why didn't he do that??" Let me answer you with: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME?!?!?! I DON'T KNOW!
And here's another one for you: I don't care. Call me cold or heartless. -I don't care about that either. Maybe I'm even a little selfish. I don't care who "just can't believe it" or who "just doesn't understand". None of that really matters. It's really simple: My dad is dead and I miss him. Period. And it doesn't matter if he died of a heart attack, was terminally ill, in a car accident or was murdered or whatever. The shock is gone and my time of questioning has passed. I just miss him now. I want to remember his LIFE. I don't want to relive his death OVER and OVER and OVER again.
If anyone wants to continue to travel down that dead end road, be my guest. I am not going with you. I'm not going to be super-polite about it anymore either. I'm done comforting other people. Sorry.
If you haven't noticed, life doesn't always go the way we want it to. We're not in control. We're not supposed to know everything or understand everything.
I'm 30 years old and I have no parents. What am I supposed to say?? I'm sorry that I'm not acting like you think I should. I'm sorry that I don't handle things the same way as this person or that person. Maybe I'm not normal. Exactly how long am I supposed to sit around miserable? How long am I supposed to wallow in the same exhausting feelings?
I. LOVE. MY. LIFE. Ya wanna know my secret?? -Do what you can today and keep moving forward. Need directions? Ask God.
